Survivor: One World – Moronics 101

Survivor: One World Cast

The cast of Survivor: One World.

As I’m watching Survivor tonight, I can’t help but feel this show is on its last leg. Now, keep in mind that I am on the west coast, so I may be a little behind the curve here, but I just do not understand what’s happened to this game.

It seems to me that, aside from the most obvious problems with this game, there’s a major lack of actual competition this season. It’s like, now that Rob and Russel are completely finished, CBS can’t seem to find anyone else with even a tiny little BIT of common sense. The strategy is nonexistent. No one in this so-called “tribe” can keep their mouths shut about any little detail. They might as well just be walking around the tribe announcing who’s going home, because once they get to tribal, they basically rid themselves of any semblance of surprise they might have been clinging to. Yes, let’s call out every possible member who may receive a vote before the actual vote happens. Let’s give the scapegoat his or her chance to change everyone’s mind. That’s definitely the way to go.

Troyzan and Tarzan of Survivor

(Right) Tarzan and (Left) Troyzan

Tonight’s tribal hit an all time low. Tarzan, who does nothing but piss every single tribe member off and lay around camp with his dirty underwear stewing in the cooking pot, got a free pass. Jonas, a key provider of finding food and cooking it, however, got sent home after, in my opinion, a debate that rose to the absolute epitome of stupid.

If this game continues in this manner, it doesn’t matter how many more seasons the network has committed to, Survivor will be a ghost program with no one sitting down on these otherwise boring Wednesday nights. When casting next season, I would hope CBS displays a bit more eye for the true players. Stop relying on who people will hate. Once people hate EVERYONE, the show just becomes obnoxious. I mean, I can’t be alone here.


TacoCopter – A New Age Of Awesome

As I was browsing the Huffington Post today, I found something so incredibly jaw-dropping, I literally could not think for several minutes. Now, as Americans, we have a certain taste and urgency for fresh ideas surrounding the delivery and preparation of our fast food. Some call us lazy. Others call us fat. What do I think? I think we’re on the cutting edge of innovation. Our finest engineers have provided all new ways to deliver tacos to our mouths. I, personally, am salivating at the thought.

Enter the TacoCopter. This unmanned drone has been designed and built to deliver tacos based on GPS coordinates sent straight from your smart phone. This tiny taco-toting transport may sound like a work of science fiction, but it is very real. The only problem with the everyday practicality of such a feat of technology? That’s right. The government.

The Taco Copter

The next generation of American innovation.

The FAA has declared it unlawful to operate an unmanned drone in U.S. airspace. This does, in fact, apply to the TacoCopter. It’s a sad day, really. Who do they think they are to tell us we can’t sit on our lazy asses and have tacos flown to us with the touch of a button? This is genius, really. If they could cut out the pesky button pushing involved with placing your order, there would pretty much be no more reason to ever get off your couch again! Let us be fat and lazy, FAA! Let us de-evolve at the pace WE demand!

Petitions should be started. Marches need to be organized. We, as constitutionally protected citizens of the United States Of America have the right to get our tacos without interference! In the name of Rodney King, I say stop stomping on my desire for meat and cheese in a crunchy, delicious shell! Who’s with me?

The JetBlue Meltdown

Yesterday, a JetBlue flight bound for Las Vegas from New York had to make an emergency landing in Amarillo, Texas when the pilot basically had a major meltdown mid-flight. Captain Clayton Osbon pretty much, single-handedly, caused all of the 135 passengers on the flight to collectively loosen their literal and proverbial sphincters when he began shouting about Iraq, Iran, and the Taliban.

Now, I can see why this could be completely horrifying to our panic-stricken, fear injected general public after what happened on that fateful day almost eleven years ago. The question of whether or not the extra security measures that probably have sterilized millions by now have been enough was probably forefront in all of the passengers’ minds.

The things that hit me the most about this incident, though, have nothing to do with the captain, himself. When you hear the full account and watch the videos, there is one thing that should stand out above all others. About six people actually made the effort to subdue this raving lunatic and succeeded. What did the rest of the plane do? They grabbed their smart phones and started filming. That’s right, folks. Another potential terrorist action on an airplane, and the majority of the plane’s passengers’ first thought was that they just had to get it on film! I’m not going to say YouTube will be the death of our country. I’m not even going to blame the site for causing this. But, let me ask you, if YouTube wasn’t such an everyday commonplace, would things have gone down the same way? Next time, people, pull your head out of your ass. Put the phone down and help shut the madman up. THEN you can go back to your Words With Friends and Angry Birds.

The other big issue I have with all of this is how quickly JetBlue hit the PR trail in an effort to get this swept under the rug as soon as possible. In an interview this morning, JetBlue CEO Dave Barger pretty much failed to directly answer every single question he was asked. All he was focusing on was repeating how Osbon has never exhibited this type of behavior before and how it’s obvious this is a “medical situation” he was suffering from. Medical situation, Dave? Really? And I suppose Bin Laden just really liked fireworks. The guy cracked his nut in the middle of a flight. There is no doubt in my mind the hours the pilots spend in the air played a big part here. It’s not a “medical condition.” It’s a classic case of a company overworking its employees.

In an effort to sum my thoughts all up, I will say this. The guy needs a vacation. The passengers will probably capitalize on “emotional distress” and sue the all-hell out of JetBlue. Barger needs to get his head out of his ass and stop pretending we’re all idiots incapable of seeing what really happened, and YouTube has, once again, turned another serious moment into a farce. Happy trails and good luck in this world we live in.


‘Octomom’ Nadya Suleman does racy photos for cash – NOT NEWS!

Really, America? Really? She’s sneaked her way back into the news? This is NEWS? We really are in more trouble than I thought, aren’t we?

I let out a big sigh of frustration when I read this. Here’s the rundown. The, now infamous, Octomom, Nadya Suleman, posed baring nearly everything on the cover of some U.K. magazine. She claims she’s “proud” of her body after shooting out fourteen kids like one of those t-shirt cannons at the halftime of a college football game.

Octomom Racy Photo

She's not trying at all. Really.

Now, for those of you who live under a rock and DON’T know yet, Octomom first hit the news when she popped out a fully healthy set of octuplets. This was only the second recorded case of octo-birth confirmed to actually survive in the U.S. A miracle, right? Right. BUT Nadya Suleman came under intense scrutiny when it was revealed, at the time of birthing the eight rugrats, she was unemployed and living off of government assistance. If that wasn’t bad enough, it turned out she already had SIX kids PRIOR to popping out an incomplete baseball team. Oh, don’t worry. It gets worse. All of her pregnancies were due to in vitro fertilization. That’s right, folks. Not one of these unfortunately conceived babies was an accident.

Aside from the questionable ethics of the doctor who performed the treatments, we should be asking ourselves about why this woman, who obviously was nowhere near equipped to take care of even ONE child responsibly, thought it was a good idea to bring in FOURTEEN of them. I saw the interview, people. She was practically gloating. Apparently, popping out kids like Pez is an accomplishment in our country that should be celebrated. Can I get a giant “SCOOOFFFFFFF?!”

Another Octomom Photo

Octomom's "Proud" Pose

So, yes, now she’s attempting to hop back into the spotlight by appearing nearly nude on the front of a magazine, boasting about her so-called “figure” after pushing out fourteen kids. Aside from the obvious, I have a few problems with this. First off, I saw the picture. They could have at least used some makeup. She was never really that attractive in the first place. Secondly, why are we treating her situation like it’s some kind of victorious triumph? People like her are a major part of the over-population of this country and many others. I’m surprised she wasn’t put down like the bitch in heat she is, or, at the very least, hysterectamized. Finally. And this is truly laughable. In the interview, she claims she gets offers from men all of the time and has to “disguise” herself to fend off advances. Lady, all you have to do is tattoo who you are on your forehead, and there won’t be a man within miles of you. We all know who you are and what you’ve done.

Simply put, this is not news, people. Don’t let this woman hop back into the spotlight. She’s a disgrace to our country and to humanity. Period.

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